Dear Homeschool Group: I need some homeschool support.
You don’t know me, but I’m the one in the corner playing on my phone because I’m new here.
I was looking for homeschooling social groups because we need some homeschool support . . .
. . . a homeschooling network, if you will, because homeschooling is hard.
Homeschool is sometimes lonely.
I said “hi” when I came in, but you were all too busy in your group to notice.
I waited for the introductions, but they never came.
I had no idea what to do, where to sit, or how to act.
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Now, I just feel like an uncomfortable outsider who invaded a friend group — the unpopular girl who tried to sit at the popular kids’ lunch table in high school.
My homeschooler is new here, too. (They always say homeschoolers should get socialization, right?)
See her?
She’s the one trying to play with your kids, but they’re ignoring her because they’ve already formed their friend group, too.
Now she’s just running after them, trying to get someone to notice her . . . to tag her in the game . . . to simply say “hi.”
She’s occasionally stealing a glance at me in a mix of uncomfortableness and embarrassment.
She thinks I don’t notice, or she’s probably hoping I don’t notice.
No one wants to be that kid.
She doesn’t want her homeschool mom to see that no one likes her.
She needed a homeschool group and some homeschool support, too.
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My heart is breaking . . . not just for her, but for me, too.
I really needed that homeschool support today.
It’s been a rough homeschooling week, the kind that breaks your spirit and makes you question why you’re spending time doing this at all.
You know those weeks, we all have them.
I needed a friend today . . . a tribe.
I needed a new perspective and someone to tell me “It’s OK!” or “We’ve all been there!” or “This too will pass!”
But, there was no one for homeschool support.
Not at this group meet up, anyway.
I know it’s no one’s job to make me feel better.
But, this is a homeschool meet up.
The posting said it was open to the public and that you were seeking new homeschooling members — “excited to welcome new homeschoolers” I think is the phrasing you used.
But now that I’m here, I’m wondering why?
Why are you posting those public announcements if you just want to hang in your same clique, telling the same stories in an unwelcoming way?
I’m not new to homeschooling.
Or, maybe I am.
Either way, you don’t know because you didn’t care to know.
I will leave here today and never come back to this homeschooling group.
I will have to answer questions from my daughter about why the other kids wouldn’t play with her.
I’ll unfollow your online homeschool group and never try to participate again because now I know the truth:
You don’t really want to grow a homeschool support group.
Instead, you want to just have a place to meet up with friends and hang in the comfort and safety of the familiar.
And, that’s OK.
It really is.
I totally get it.
It takes energy to start a new relationship and it’s much less exhausting to stay with what you already know.
But, remember: You started this group or joined it.
You were new once, too.
Please try to remember that gaining the courage to try a new homeschooling group is exhausting . . .
. . . especially when you are shunned.
BUT . . .
Life will go on for you, but know this . . .
Dear Homeschooling Moms: You won’t miss me, but I will miss you.
I wanted to get to know you.
My kid wanted to get to know your kids.
But, you were all too busy for someone new.
I hope for the next new homeschool mom (or dad) you will at least take the time to say “hi.”
She will appreciate it so much.
I just know it.
Signed,
The Homeschool Mom New To The Homeschooling Group
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What has been your experience with homeschooling groups?
Did this homeschool support letter speak to you?
Let’s talk in the comments!
I’d love to hear more about your experiences.
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This so hard. I have been this woman on several occasions. Several groups, actually. I have been this woman at the big, well known co-op that couldn’t tolerate my daughter with Asperger’s, because she got excited on the first day and interrupted a few times. Horrible, unthinkable crime, I know. This happened just weeks after I started my homeschooling journey. When I reached out as a new member to my religious online Homeschool Group about this happening to my family with the co-op, not one person acknowledge the post. Ignored. Surprisingly I’m not a member of that place anymore.
The group we are in is an Eclectic mix of people, all walks, all religions, all parenting styles, I try to be super nice to the new person whenever they show up. I want so much for nobody to ever feel like that, no mom should! Please, moms, we need to be supporting, not turning it into another episode of Mean Girls, the parenting years, Thanks for this post!
Thank you for your input! I’m so sorry that happened to you and your daughter. I hope you’ve found your “tribe” in the new group. And, THANK YOU for being the one that reaches out to the newbies in groups. I know they appreciate it! ❤️
Huh, this happens even if your child goes to a public or private school. Other parents are just a snob…. and some kids are too. I felt this when my eldest was in preschool until he was in 2nd grade. We then moved him to a private school and same thing… some kids and parents are just not very welcoming until they really get to know you. The realities of life. Same with the work place…it is had to build a tribe when you are an adult or new in town. Some groups are very cliquey…. Sad to say. But either way, we learn a lesson. That is why it is good to learn to be alone and be content with being alone.
I agree with the gist of this article – it IS important to reach out to those who are new in any group, but this line concerns me:
“You don’t know me, but I’m the one in the corner playing on my phone because I’m new here.”
Many of us were raised to believe that it is very bad manners to interrupt someone while they are on the phone or at the computer (especially those of us who were raised by work-at-home Moms). The minute you pull out a phone, you put up a big “DO NOT DISTURB” sign, whether you realize it or not.
If you’re new to a group, make sure that you’re not the one making others feel like you’re not interested in their friendship.